


Sleep is not an option

by Antares10



Series: Seto Kaiba and his horrible life choices [2]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh!
Genre: Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Kaiba doesn't want any help, Kaiba no, Lots of Hurt, Mokuba can't deal with Kaiba anymore, Nightmares, Other, Sleep Deprivation, Therapy, and only a bit comfort, being human sucks according to Kaiba, mistakes of breakfast, more like, nobody should deal with Kaiba's bullshit, set somewhere after memory world
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-30
Updated: 2017-04-30
Packaged: 2018-10-25 19:33:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,467
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10770981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Antares10/pseuds/Antares10
Summary: Kaiba continues to clearly not deal well with everything and being frustrated for being human. Nobody should deal with his bullshit thou.





	Sleep is not an option

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Pandir](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pandir/gifts).



> Alternative title: Kaiba NO!

It should be stated and it can't be stated enough, that Seto Kaiba is a genius. A really  outstanding genius, owner of Kaiba Corp. and one of the ric hest and most influential m en of Japan. I mean, have you SEEN Domino City? He totally owns the place.

 

Anyway, genius. He is one. The best there is. The greatest of the greatest! He could get things done in a day that others couldn't do in a month! He did whole work-routines before breakfast!

 

Well, that last part was rather simple: There was a rather fluid change from “after dinner” to “before breakfast”.

 

Sleep was always something Kaiba kind of hated. It was just such a waste of time. Eating was bad enough but at least you could pay other people to do most of the time-consuming task of getting food prepared and to you and clean up the dishes or something. AND you could get things done WHILE eating so it was only a mild irritation. But sleeping? You just kind of lay around in bed, being unproductive for HOURS.  


Lazy people or people  too weak to go anywhere in life could do that, thank you very much. But Seto Kaiba would find all kinds of ways to get around this useless limitation of his body as much as possible.

 

There was coffee. And black tea. And energy dri nks . And all kinds of  similar stuff. And being the genius he was, Kaiba found out that you  could make coffee with energy drink instead of water too. The result  tasted pretty awful but kept him going a lot longer than coffee alone.

 

Genius, remember?

 

It made the world a bit fuzzy and his chest feeling a  little tight but a bit  of pain  had never hurt anybody. He could power through some minor  inconveniences . He had powered through  inconveniences his whole life.

 

There was also the bonus that he didn't  have to deal with  the things that happened WHILE he was asleep. Fragments of memories of sharp teeth and claws ripping him open, of fire burning him and ice freezing him and shattering him that were the ec hoes of a distant dream. Or memories of feeling a collar  around his neck,  the sharp sting of leather across his back with every failure, books and books and BOOKS until numbers and letters we aved together in front of his eyes  and everything lost  its meaning. Or of things that  had never happened like being trapped outside  of his body, losing control of himself, of holding a warm hand and looking in deep red eyes full of passion and seeing the same body lose  its spark of life, like holding a corpse in his arms, like his adoptive father throwing him out of the window instead of himself, like calling out to somebody, anybody, and nobody LISTENING or LOOKING. Like being weak.

 

Those were the dreams that let him sit up in his bed, that let his heart race and his hands shake, and it took way too long to get his thoughts back under control.

 

So, it was another big plus  of not sleeping .  You couldn't have a nightmare if you never  dreamed , right?

 

Right. He was a genius , a fter all.

 

Kaiba nodded to himself as he walked into the kitchen after a sleepless, no,  _**productive** _ night, getting to the fridge to  fetch some  nutrition to keep his body going. Urgh, seriously, maybe the old bastard had an idea there with the whole “put your mind into a computer” thing... or maybe not. To be honest, there still  was a big issue with realizing  systems that would run stable and everything... also, Kaiba doubted that anything artificial could ever replace his own genius brain.

 

As if any dumb computer could ever match his brain. Well, he COULD  create something that was as smart as him at this  very moment. But the thing was, a machine was only as intelligent as the one who made it. Kaiba wouldn't admit it but even he acknowledged that he was getting BETTER in everything over time. So even if he was a genius, he gained more and more  skill over time. A computer made in his image yesterday would be outdated today.

 

“Seto? Brother, what exactly are you doing?”

 

A voice pulled Seto out of his th oughts and he blinked. Something felt wet around his feet.

 

“Mokuba?”, he asked finally, turning his head.

 

There he was. His brother. The only person in this whole world he kind  of trusted with ... well, some things. At least  company-related things . He loved him, of course. He just didn't unde rstand him sometimes.  Like when Mokuba sometimes said  that you needed other people or expressed distress about  trivial things that shouldn't matter or made him do stuff like “take a break”. It was  somewhat irritating but sometimes Kaiba humored him.

 

“Seto, why are you pouring orange juice into a bow full of... is that a bowl full of mozzarella balls and a raw egg?”

 

Kaiba blinked. No, he was sure he was pouring milk into cornflakes... or  was he? He looked down and stopped pouring orange juice into the overflowing bowl... well, there was little left in the carton anyway also, he inspected the contents of the bowl.

 

“I think there is rice in that, too!”, shrieked Mokuba.

 

“Huh.”, said Kaiba, slowly blinking again. Somehow, his eyes hurt. Maybe he should invest into these blue light filters for computer screens. But he LIKED blue light.

 

“Seto?”

 

“It's not fair, blue light looks a lot sharper.”, answered Kaiba.

 

“Uh... what?”

 

“My eyes shouldn't be that stupid. Blue light is better and crisper. There is no way I'll filter it.”

 

Mokuba just looked even more confused. “Alright, Seto...”, he said slowly and Kaiba nodded. He knew Mokuba would understand. He took a knife and tried to eat his bowl o f... food. It was food, wasn't it?

 

Mokuba took the knife away after a minute.

  
“Seto, please answer me one simple question.”, he said slowly. “When was the last time you slept?”

 

“When I was dead.”, answered Kaiba. And then his body betrayed him as his brainstem literally pulled the plug on his neocortex, causing Kaiba to splash head-first into his strange orange-juice filled bowl with might-be-food.

 

Mokuba just sighed. It was one of THOSE days again apparently.

 

 

“ _You need help, Kaiba. A lot of it. And I am afraid I am not the one who can provide it.”_

 

“ _Please get help, Kaiba. For your sake, as for others, too.”_

 

Red and black and white and gold. Darkness around him and darkness talking to him.

 

“ _You need help, Kaiba. A lot of it. And I am afraid I am not the one who can provide it.”_

 

“ _Please get help, Kaiba. For your sake, as for others, too.”_

 

He wanted to scream. He was a Kaiba, he didn't need help, he didn't  want help. Why help? Everything was FINE, he could deal with  anything . He took life's lemons and didn't just m ake lemonade, he made fucking GOLD out of it. Help with W HAT, huh?

 

Which one of them was DEAD and long gone and rot ting away and forgotten and  which one of them was still alive and breathing, huh? HUH?

 

“ _You need help, Kaiba. A lot of it. And I am afraid I am not the one who can provide it.”_

 

“ _Please get help, Kaiba. For your sake, as for others, too.”_

 

Damn him, damn him to hell, to the afterlife and beyond even that. Who was HE to tell him what to do? He never asked for help,  and never would. Not him, not ANYBODY.

 

“ _You need help, Kaiba. A lot of it. And I am afraid I am not the one who can provide it.”_

 

“ _Please get help, Kaiba. For your sake, as for others, too.”_

 

He could do everything by himself. He had proven that again and again. Winning the chess game, becoming the head of Kaiba Corp, winning at Duel Monsters. Whenever he wanted something, he could TAKE it, no matter what. Everything had a price and he had everything to pay for it!

 

That.. that wasn't true, if he was... honest. There was one thing he could never simply possess.

 

“ _You need help, Kaiba. A lot of it. And I am afraid I am not the one who can provide it.”_

 

Why? He always made it look like he was SOOOOO perfect. Heart of cards and all that junk. And he was stupid and helped EVERYBODY.

 

“ _You need help, Kaiba. A lot of it. And I am afraid I am not the one who can provide it.”_

 

That was a LIE. He would have  if it had been for anybody else, wouldn't he? He would if  it had been about Yugi, the girl, the old man. He would if  it had been about Jounouchi. He would  always help  _ them _ .

 

… help them... with what?

 

“ _You need help, Kaiba. A lot of it. And I am afraid I am not the one who can provide it.”_

 

… why not him? Why couldn't he help him?

 

“ _You need help, Kaiba. A lot of it. And I am afraid I am not the one who can provide it.”_

 

“ _You need help, Kaiba.”_

 

“ _You need help, Kaiba.”_

 

 

“You seriously need help, Seto.”

 

Kaiba opened his eyes suddenly, blinking up to a while ceiling. Something was wrong. His thoughts felt... sluggish. Something  seemed weird at the corner of his eyes.

 

“What...?”

 

“SETO!”

 

There was a shout and suddenly there was somebody hugging him. A mob of dark hair. Mokuba. Kaiba felt strangely exhausted. He tried to talk but there was  barely more than a soft sound coming from his throat.

 

“Seto, don't talk.”, Mokuba scolded him as soon as he released him. He looked tired, his clothes rumpled and his hair a mess. “You are at the hospital. In a private room, but still.” He frowned deeply. “You didn't sleep and just fainted in the kitchen. Nearly drowned yourself in a mistake of a breakfast.”

 

Kaiba just felt numb at that information. Stupid body. Stupid flesh betraying him again. Mokuba sighed.

 

“You know, even you are just human.”, he huffed. “Could you PLEASE stop trying to ignore that?”

 

Being human sucked. The more he forgot about that the better.

 

“Urgh.”, Mokuba groaned quietly. “Really, Seto! I just... I don't know how to DEAL with you anymore. Something is WRONG. You know it, I know it, somebody walking across the ROOM could see it. Why can't you just admit that you need HELP.”

 

Kaiba glared at Mokuba, tasting ash in his mouth.

 

“I don't need help.”

 

“You do.”, Mokuba said quietly before getting up. “You just don't want to be helped.” He was walking to the door. Something about that made Kaiba feel cold.

 

“Mokuba? Where are you going?”

 

“... to get the doctor.”, he said. “And after that... we'll see.”

 

The door closed behind him and Seto was alone again.

 

 

 

Mokuba sighed as he sat down on the c omfortable chair, leaning  back as he took his cup of hot tea. He sipped at it as a woman sat half-across him, a clipboard on her lap and a pen in her hand.  


“How are you today?”, she asked, friendly.

 

“I am... not sure.”, said Mokuba softly. “... how much have we talked about my brother?”

 

“Quite a bit, I believe.”, she said. “Do you want to talk about him today a bit more?”

 

“Actually... yes.”, he said. “I think he is in a lot of pain... but I am not the one who can help him.”

 

“Who do you think can help him?”

 

“Honestly?”, said Mokuba with a deep sigh. “I... don't know... I don't know if anybody could anymore. … not me, in any case. I just... don't think I can do this anymore.”

 

“What do you mean with that?”

 

“I feel... like I am the one taking care of him. And... I love him, I really do. But it's getting to a point where I feel more and more like a... warden or caretaker and I CAN'T. … and I noticed that I started to... resent him for stuff.”, he mumbled. “I mean, he’s got problems, we both do. A lot of them. But... I just CAN'T deal with his issues FOR him.” He sighed. “... does that make me a bad brother?”

 

“No.”, stated the woman. “You brother is a grown man. And you are right, it is not fair of him to expect you to care for him like this.”, she looked him into his eyes. “You have to take care of yourself, too. To stay healthy is not being selfish or being a bad person. It is something you have every right to do.”

 

“... even if it means leaving him?”, whispered Mokuba.

 

“Even that.”

 

There was silence  while Mokuba thought about this. Thought about  Seto. Their childhood. Death-T. Duel  Monsters. The crazy summer with... everything. And the time after that. He thought about friends and enemies and rivals. He thought about family.

 

He made a decision.

 

 

 

He moved to the USA a few weeks later. Kaiba Corp. had a lucrative new branch there and somebody had to make sure everything was working s moothly. It was also a really nice o pportunity to study and learn new things.

And to get some distance between himself and his brother.

 

 

He told Yugi and the others and they threw him a “good-bye” party with gifts and cake and well-wishes. He  got good books and a photo album and  even some friendship bracelets. Anzu hugged him and gave him tips what places he should check out while being there, places she  had been to and loved. Jounouchi patted him on the back, telling him he should give them a call whenever he could. Honda taught him pick-up lines, cheesy ones and extra cheesy ones and some that were downright terrible but good for a laugh. Bakura gave him some fresh tea in a box,  so he could take a piece of “good old japan” with him. And Yugi smiled at him softly, hugging him once and told him to have a great time and that they  would stay in touch .

 

Kaiba didn't  come.

 

It was strange, leaving him behind. Mokuba worried about him. He worried a lot. He worried all the way to the airport, to the plane, to America and to the small apartment he rented there. He worried and never quite stopped.

 

But there was no news about Seto Kaiba drowning in orange juice and no call on his phone with Se to’s number.

 

It was okay, probably. Or maybe  it was going to be.

 

He just wasn't the one to be able to help him.

 


End file.
